21st April 2008

Transcript from Arab Meeting

Actual transcript from meeting of "Arab Comunity Organizations of Anytown":

#1: I am the leader.

#2: No, I am the leader, you are not the leader.

#3: No, he is the leader, I am the President.

#2: Are your saying I’m not the leader?

#4: Wait, I am the leader.

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

The Middle East Phrase Book

Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan.
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.

Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

Balli, Balli, Balli
Whatever you say.

Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war

During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another on the first night of the war. One Israeli yelled out: "Hey Sufian, are you there?"

On the Arab side, Sufian stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Sufian.

The second night, another Israeli yelled out, "Hey Muayvia, are you there?"

On the Arab side, Muayvia stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Muayvia.

On the third night, the Arabs got smart. One of them yelled "Hey Moshe, are you there?"

The Israelis yelled back, "No, Moshe isn’t here but is that you, Achmed?"

Achmed stood up and said "Yeah?" and the Israelis took out the machine guns and mowed down Achmed.

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

Iraqi Banking

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.

"That’s humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!"

The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.

After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"

The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr."

"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don’t they?"

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

100 Camels and US tourists

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman."

After a long silence, the husband says, "She’s not for sale."

The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"

The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in America Jokes, Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

The Big Debate

Back ten centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Muslims had to leave Jerusalem. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Muslim community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Muslim community. If the Muslim won the debate, all the Muslims could stay. If the Pope won, all the Muslims would have to leave.
The Muslims realised that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. But they finally picked their representative, an old Mullah who unknowingly agreed without knowing what he was getting himself into. He agreed only on the condition that neither side be allowed to talk but communicate by miming. The pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. The Mullah and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mullah looked back at him and raised his middle finger..

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Mullah Nasruddin pointed to the ground and stamped his foot.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Mullah pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, ’I give up. This man is too good. The Muslims can stay.’

An hour later, the cardials were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and stamping on it, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple, reminding me of the first sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Muslim community had crowded around the Mullah in total astonishmen. "What happened?" they asked. "Well,"said the Mullah, "First he said to me that we Muslims had three days to leave Jerusalem. I told him up yours. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Muslims. I said none of us leaving this land!"

"And then?" asked a woman.

"He took out his lunch and I took out mine," said the Mullah.

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments

21st April 2008

Life in the Islamic Football League

It’s hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated.

tags: , , , , , , , , ,

posted in Arab Joke | 0 Comments