Lovely Joke

Close Your Eyes
Julie and kids had just returned from church. My 5 and 7 year old kids were showing me the faces they’d drawn in Sunday school. Now, museum quality they’re not, but these were particularly unbalanced. I asked them why. My 7-year-old explained, ‘we were supposed to close our eyes and pretend we were blonde.’’ I can only assume he meant blind

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For the Sick
A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said, " Can we leave now?"
"No." her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Well, then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about 2 minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," replied the little girl.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy," she replied. "They have a box next to the front door that say ’for the sick

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The little church in the suburbs
The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office
supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.
“I’ll tell you why,” shouted Deacon Brown. “Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for
visitors to register.”
“Well,” interrupted the dealer, “didn’t you receive them yet?”
“Oh, we received them all right,” replied Deacon Brown. “However, you sent us some golf pencils…each stamped with the words, ‘Play Golf Next Sunday

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Remembering Names
When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their names by noting they were the same as those of two characters in a popular children’s story.
After the services I stopped to talk to them, and as they were saying goodbye I teased, "Be careful going up that hill! But you must get that all the time."
They smiled politely but said nothing. After they left, my husband asked, "What was that all about?"
"Jack and Jill. Up the hill. Remember?" I said.
"Yes, but what does that have to do with," he pointed to the couple, "Dick and Jane?

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Inscribed in stone over doors of an old church …
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: “This is the Gate of Heaven.”
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: “Use Other Entrance

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Wonderful Sound
A man’s car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful, old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door of the monastery. A monk answered, listened to the man’s story and graciously invited him to spend the night. The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep.
The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a strange sound.
The next morning, as the monks repaired his car, he asked about the sound that woke him. The monks said, "We’re sorry. We can’t tell you about the sound… You’re not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the monks for their kindness and went on his way.
During quiet moments afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.
Several years later, the man was driving in the same area. He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to spend another night under their peaceful roof.
The monks agreed and the man stayed. Late that night, he heard the sound.
The next morning, he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks said, "We’re sorry. We can’t tell you about the sound. You’re not a monk."
By now, the man’s curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything and become a monk if that was the only way to learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk.
Seventeen years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound. Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a second door of silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monk’s face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the mysterious sound he had heard so many years before.
But, I can’t tell you what it was. You’re not a monk.

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Little Johnny was in church …
Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.
Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go

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Join the Army of the Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by
the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service

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The church janitor
The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.

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First Time in Church
The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.
"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long

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