Lovely Joke

Mrs. O’Connor Wants a Divorce
"Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O’Connor. Sure now, we only have a carport.
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. "I’m always first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?"
"Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don’t think he knows anything about the connubial."

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I’m trying to find out are what grounds you have."
"Bless you, sir. We live in a flat — not even a window box, let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O’Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Sure it’s because the man can’t hold an intelligent conversation.

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Lena’s Divorce
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat’s fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

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A guy walks into a post office …
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over
them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies

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What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intel…
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced

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Maiden Name Reinstated
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver’s license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house.

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Fair Settlement
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to
his client.
“Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?

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What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: A divorcee

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Barbies
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn’t know what’s available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she’s $28" Lady asks "well, anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she’s $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she’s $250"
The lady replies "I don’t understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive.
The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?" The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken’s car, his house, and all his other stuff.

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Lemons
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I’ve been divorced three times.

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Grounds for Divorce
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property."
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ’yes’."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "most days he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I never wanted a divorce. It’s husband. He says he can’t communicate with me

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