Lovely Joke

Rolls Royce
Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.
"Sure," said Morry, "I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."
As they’re driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?"
"That’s my digital clock."
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"
"That’s my tachometer," says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what’s that…."
"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before."
"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.

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A New Kind of Car
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.
"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?"one asked.
"He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his co-worker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from Caddy and, well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"Ten years to life."

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New Mercedes
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!

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The car driver
Cyril was driving down Hendon Road when he gets pulled over by a policeman.
Walking up to Cyril’s car, the policeman says, "I’ve come to tell you that your wife fell out your car some 2 miles back."
Cyril replies, "Thank goodness, I thought I’d gone deaf."

tags: Friendship joke, Funny Jokes, love joke, wife joke, Love Jokes, Golf Jokes, husband joke, Funny Pictures, birthday wish, Stupid Jokes

Blonde Gets a Woody
A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn’t look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.

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Lost Gas Cap
David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.
After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.
Sure enough, he hadn’t been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.
And this one’s even better because it locks …"

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Parking in a one-hour zone
Have you ever had the experience of parking in a one-hour zone, inserting the coins, than finding yourself, forty-five minutes later, still in line at the bank? At such times, you might suddenly find religion, and fervently pray that you will make your meter.

tags: love joke, birthday greeting joke, brithday joke, Fart Jokes, joke birthday jokes, birthday text, Funny joke, School Jokes, Kids Jokes, Sick Jokes

Red Lights
There are these two guys driving a car. When the guy driving blows right through the red light.
"Man, you just ran that red light!", the passenger said.
"Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver.
Well, they continue to drive when the guy went flying through another stop light.
"You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!" exclaimed the passenger.
"Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time, the driver said.
After a while they came to a green light when the guy stopped.

"Why are you stopping?"
The driver turned around and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"

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A Blonde at a Carwash
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.
About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"

tags: Sick Jokes, One Line Jokes, doctor joke, Fart Jokes, joke birthday jokes, Golf Jokes, Hindi Urdu joke, Funny joke, Love Jokes, Kids Jokes

General Motors Helpline
General Motors doesn’t have a "help line" for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy/use cars like they buy/use computers — but imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What’s an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
—————————————–
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There’s a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from ’E’ to ’F.’ Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It’s pointing to ’E.’ What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $15,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
—————————————-
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars stink!"
HELPLINE: "What’s wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that’s what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed — and now it won’t start!"
HELPLINE: "It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t crash anymore!"
—————————————–
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thank you for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I’m not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

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