Lovely Joke

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man, "My father wouldn’t like it."
"Don’t be silly," the minister replied, "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he’s under the hay."

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One day, a salesman stopped by the Jones farm, knocked, and the farmer’s wife,
Frannie, came to the door.
“Is your husband home, Ma’am?” he asked.
“Sure is. He’s over in the cow barn.”
“Well, I got something to show him, Ma’am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?”
“Shouldn’t have any difficulties… He’s the one with the beard and mustache.

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An old farmer was sitting on his porch, holding a small piece of rope.
His guest, a city man, asked, "What’s the rope for?"
The farmer said, "It’s my weather vane."
"How can you tell weather with that thing?" asked the city man. "When it goes from side to side, it’s windy. When it’s wet, it’s raining."

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A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now."

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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

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Farmer Peters hired a man to sort his potato crop. He told the man to make three piles: one for the small potatoes, one for
the medium-size ones, and one for the large ones.

After several hours, the man told Farmer Peters he was quitting his job. He seemed flustered, his brow was beaded with perspiration, and his shirt was also wet.

"Is the work too hard for you?" Peters asked.

"No," he answered, "but all the decisions are killing me."

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A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department’s work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"

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When we were looking to buy property I had this overzealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little
water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.”
I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same be said of Hell?”

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It’s the late 1980’s, and this technician’s boss at a nonprofit agency has a brainstorm.
"He wanted to provide a menu-driven telephone system that would let local boaters and fishermen call in for information on river levels," says the tech.
His further comments: "I was invited to a lunch with the local phone company to discuss it. Being new to the project, I started by asking what percentage of the targeted rural population had touch-tone phone service … a must-have for menu-driven phone systems. As I remember, the chicken salad was delicious and the project was never discussed again."

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An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a
farmer.
“Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”
“Well . . .” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any
concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

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