Lovely Joke

Little Josh was brought to Dr. Gill cause he hadn’t eaten anything for days. Dr. Gill offered him all the goodies he could think of. No luck. He tried a little scolding. It didn’t work. A little pleading, to
no avail.
Finally he sat down, faced the boy, looked him in the eye. He said, "Look young man, if you can be stubborn, so can I. You’re not going anywhere until you eat something. You can have whatever you want, but only after you have eaten will you leave."
Josh just sat and glared for some time, then said "OK. I’ll eat but I have some conditions. First, I’ll have exactly what I want and exactly how I want it and second you’ll share with me."
Dr. Gill was OK with this. He asked the child what he’d like. "Worms!" said Josh.
Dr. Gill was horrified but didn’t want to back out and seem like a loser. So, he ordered a plate of worms to be brought in. "Not that many, just one," yelled Josh as he saw the plate.
So, everything other than one worm was removed. Josh then demanded that the single worm be cut into two pieces and then Dr. Gill eat half. Dr. Gill went through the worst ordeal of his life, and after finishing, barely managing to keep his cool, said, "OK, now eat!"
Josh refused as he sobbed, "No way! You ate my half!"

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Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter.
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were.
"Yes," replied the waiter, "we’re wise because our culture is 4,000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?"
Moshe replied, "Yes, we are. Our culture is 5,000 years old."
The waiter was surprised to hear this. "That can’t be true," he replied, "where did your people eat for a thousand years?"

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EAST BERNARD, TX (DWPI) — Local barber Merton Storch revealed today that he can believe that the margarine spread "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!" is not, in fact, butter. "I think it’s obvious," said Storch.
"Butter is a creamy spread, while this crap is more like a space-age polymer." A spokesperson from Lilton Foods, responded by saying, "Well, I know *I* can’t believe it’s not butter." This is not the first time Storch has made a public food-related statement. In 1994, he held a press conference to announce he thought everything wasn’t, in fact, "better with Blue Bonnet on it," and even demonstrated using food items such as ice cream, Jell-O, and what appeared to be a large squid.
Reported by Rob Winchell
The Daily Weekly

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A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn’t pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?"
"I’m very sorry sir…" began the contrite headwaiter.
"Oh, it’s quite all right." said the guest, "but I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you again…"

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At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper John replied, "About 10 years.

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It’s called "fast" food because you’re supposed to eat it really fast. Otherwide, you might actually taste it

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A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what’s wrong.
The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you’re not eating right."

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One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."
With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.

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The big problem with "fast" food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just parks there–and lets the fat have time to get off and apply for citizenship.

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap…and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies…
… "You just happened to catch my eye."

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