Lovely Joke

Paris (Associated Press)

French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L’Abandonnement du Field d’Honneur Battalion de Fran?s (French Surrender Battalion) of the ?ranger L?on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954.

"We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n’est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories."

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Fran?s (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

When Saddam Hussein asked Chirac to advise him as to how many troops would be needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. France has no experience in defending its capital city."

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Q. Why do French tanks have 6 reverse gears and only one forward gear?

A. They rarely get attacked from behind.

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Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

A. Don’t know, it’s never been tried

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An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.

The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German."

The group became silent.

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Q. What’s the difference between a Frenchman and toast?

A. You can’t make French soldiers out of toast

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Q: Where can you find 90,000,000 French jokes?

A: In France

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In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from ?Run? to ?Hide?.

If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to ?Surrender?, or even as high as ?Collaborate?

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How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

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A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

“Toilette pepper!”

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The makers of French’s Mustard made the following recent statement:

We at the French’s Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard in manufactured in Rochester, NY.

The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow.

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