Lovely Joke

Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."

Sign on an asphalt truck: "Let us fill your crack!"

Office sign: "Ace exterminating - we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome."

Sign at a muffler shop: "No muff too tough for us!"

Sign on a government issue car: "Fulton county disaster coordinator."

Sign in a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! "To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted."

Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Sign in a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."

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Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."

Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs"

Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."

Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

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Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot"

"Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."

I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.

At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

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Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."

Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."

Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today — no ice cream."

Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

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Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."

Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."

Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."

Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

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These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

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Georgia peaches - California grown - 89 cents lb.

Nice parachute - never opened - used once - slightly stained

Whirlpool built in oven — frost free!

Frozen Soft & Gentle bath tissue - 4 rolls 99 cents

American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

Notice: to person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near Southridge Storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vincinity are dead.

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Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

Sign in a veterinary’s waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Sign on music teachers’ door: "Out Chopin."

Sign at the electic company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be."

Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"

Sign on a garbage truck: "We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got."

Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."

Sign on restaurant window: "Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."

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Free puppies…part German shepherd, part dog

Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel - 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog

Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 Years old. Unpleasant little dog.

German shephard. 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks german. Free.

Cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer

Free: Farm kittens. Ready to eat.

Kittens 8 weeks old - Seeking good Christian home

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Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.

For sale: Lee Majors (6 million dollar man) - $50

Nordic track $300 - hardly used - call chubbie at:

Bill’s Septic Cleaning - "We haul American made products"

Shakespeare’s Pizza - Free Chopsticks

Hummels - Largest selection ever - "if it’s in stock, we have it!"

President’s Choice - Cow manure - 2 33lb bags - $5

Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club

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